When the Writing Dream Comes True…

My next novel That Which is Left is Lost will be released on 16 June. And, this time – unlike my debut which is only available as an Ebook only – there is going to be a paperback version! [Check out my Books & Stories Page to see when it’s live!]

When we writers talk about our dreams coming true; this is definitely one of the highlights. Seeing your name in print, on the cover of a book that contains that story you spent hours writing is mind-bogglingly satisfying! Even my fiance, Luke, thinks it is (and I quote) “pretty cool to have your name on a book that’s out there”!

In our imaginations this moment – seeing a physical copy of your book – makes it all worthwhile. We’ve poured over these pages, teased out the perfect word for every character, and crafted a story that we believe tells us something about what it is to be human.

So along with my excitement and pride at bringing this story into the world and presenting it to you in the hopes it will permit you some escapism, gripped securely around this joy is a thick band of fear. 

Yet a lot of the fear involves aspects that writers have to deal with on a regular basis: our old friend impostor syndrome. 

This book will clearly show me for who I truly am as a writer – a terrible one – and readers will hate my characters, disbelieve their motivations, and admit that they had to stop turning the pages because it’s unreadable. My brain is screaming these words at me at this very moment!

This book is ten years in the making. It’s been through extensive rewrites, a dozen edits, it’s been read by a selection of my most trusted advisors, and even by a few agents who thought it was great, but just not in love with it enough to represent it.

Still, with the excitement and expectation, I can feel the knot in my stomach and the tension in my shoulders (attested by my masseur at the weekend who said my shoulders were SOLID!). There are some parts of the process I just refuse to look over again, because – what’s the point? It’s not going to matter if there aren’t any readers. 

But I do have readers. There are quite a number of them waiting for this novel – some since I announced the completion of the fifth draft in 2014/2015! The weight of that anticipation scares me too. What if it doesn’t live up to their expectations? What if they read some of it and think, ‘well, this wasn’t worth the wait!’. What if they can’t find anything nice to say about it?

And so on, we writers spiral into the depths of our insecurities until we become so terrified of judgment that we stop writing altogether – it’s safer that way, right?

We have to accept fear as part of the process of our dream coming true. All it means is that we care about the dream; the results matter to us; it’s important. It signifies that all the heart and soul we poured into our story was worth the effort.

Yes, my dream of seeing my name on a paperback book is coming true. But that doesn’t mean I don’t also experience the dogged fear of failure alongside it.

They’re two different sides of the same coin: I can’t have one without the other. 

Whether or not readers love my book as much as I do is irrelevant. The dream is the book itself, with my name on it, my words inside it, my imagined story within it. This is the feeling to hold onto and the goal that will push me to the publication date. No matter what people think of my work, I have accomplished a dream. 

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Do you need some help facing the fears bound up in your story? Maybe you don’t think it’s ‘good enough‘ or you’re simply stuck on an element that just doesn’t feel right. I’ve been through that exact thing countless times; so if I can, I’d love to help!